Here are my terms. You agree to unconditional and total surrender and swear fealty to me. You will lay down your arms and accept me as your overlord. You will cede to me all your lands and wealth of your coffers. As a token of your gratitude, you will erect monuments and rename cities in my likeness and namesake. Every year henceforth you will hold feasts and games in my honor begining the first monday of June for seven days. During the holidays, You will pay tribute in gold pieces, fresh virgins, two thirds of your crops and livestock. Your daughters will be married to my sons, I will also claim your wife as a concubine. You will give unto me your first infant son, I will raise him as my own, thus preserving your family name while simultaneously erasing your legacy. All wealth of knowledge will be gleaned from your wise men, sages,chemists,clergy, court, magistrates,war masters, spies, doctors, masons, engineers, scribes and scriveners via interrogation by my coercers and inquisitors. Finally after one year has passed, you will be required to commit harakiri in the palace courtyard. A wooden Frisbie will be provided to assist you in committing seppuku. Any utterances, cries, shrieks,moans,wails etc are expressly forbidden. Finally you must present me with a 5' 1/2" by 5' 1/2" chocolate brownie ala'mode. Should you refuse these terms, you will see your women razed, your villages raped, your children and elderly sold off as slaves, your men castrated and slaughtered and the crows devour the carcasses of your dead.
Thank you and have a wonderful day.
P.S. The siege commences at dawn. Send an envoy with your response.
Sincerely, iwave24
Pirate Overlord Supreme Esq.
April 21st 2013, 10:11 pm
